The thing about deciding to quit your job and be home with your baby --although wonderful -- can also be really lonely. Since Mamie is only 3.5 months old there isn't a whole helluva lot to do with her. I mean, we have bouncey seat time, smile time, tummy time, gymini time, feeding, diapering, bath time and nap time, but that's about it. Rinse and repeat. And then repeat again. However now that it's gotten nicer outside we have also walk time. Walk time consists of me waiting until the baby has eaten (her hunger cries are still earth shattering and l-o-u-d. I have walked with her on main avenues here, amidst the grand noise and STILL you can hear her yelpin'), pooped (I ain't changin' no diaper on the street) and is sleepy enough that as soon as I take her outside she falls asleep in 2.2 seconds (Mama's favorite.) So either I take her to the park in the rickety baby carriage/car seat thing ( McClaren on the way!), hoping to dear lord jesus and his dog fred that the trucks don't wake her up or to the main drag to do things like buy chicken parts (the hum of the grocery store puts her out.) I talk to her along the way, I sing her funny songs that don't rhyme ("pistol packin' Mamie" is a favorite) and I walk like I got the ants in my pants (she likes a quick pace.) Maybe you've seen me?
Yesterday I had her in Prospect Park, teetering on the edge of blissful sleep and an abrupt wakefulness when I saw a gaggle of women with babies. They were all talking and laughing with each other. I pushed onward past them and began to feel a little lonely. Here I was on this glorious day, walking with my baby in the park, admittedly trying to have a conversation on the cell phone (nah uh, doesn't work when you're trying to push a contraption), looking at nature in all it's glory and there it was. Loneliness... Tedium... Boredom... -- all while wondering if I could make the full lap before Mamie woke up screaming for food (nope.) All I needed was a Radiohead song in the background to complete the funk I was in. Sure. I know other mommies who would walk with me. I had a great walk with Joanne and Arlo on Saturday. I could be one of *them,* but I'm not really a gaggle girl. Just not me.
As I walked with Mamie, telling her about the park and the trees and how we were going to take her there in the summer for a picnic in the cute little halter outfit I bought her, I realized that being the lone mother out there in the walking lane of Prospect Park was kinda beautiful. I thought about this time last year, when I wasn't pregnant yet and how my life has changed. I'm over the no-sleep thing - I can now survive on 5-6 hours a night. I'm back to pre-preggo weight. I'm feeling more creative than ever. So what if I'm a little lonely sometimes? It's worth it. I gots a baby. A really fabulous baby. And she don't mind one bit.
Yesterday I had her in Prospect Park, teetering on the edge of blissful sleep and an abrupt wakefulness when I saw a gaggle of women with babies. They were all talking and laughing with each other. I pushed onward past them and began to feel a little lonely. Here I was on this glorious day, walking with my baby in the park, admittedly trying to have a conversation on the cell phone (nah uh, doesn't work when you're trying to push a contraption), looking at nature in all it's glory and there it was. Loneliness... Tedium... Boredom... -- all while wondering if I could make the full lap before Mamie woke up screaming for food (nope.) All I needed was a Radiohead song in the background to complete the funk I was in. Sure. I know other mommies who would walk with me. I had a great walk with Joanne and Arlo on Saturday. I could be one of *them,* but I'm not really a gaggle girl. Just not me.
As I walked with Mamie, telling her about the park and the trees and how we were going to take her there in the summer for a picnic in the cute little halter outfit I bought her, I realized that being the lone mother out there in the walking lane of Prospect Park was kinda beautiful. I thought about this time last year, when I wasn't pregnant yet and how my life has changed. I'm over the no-sleep thing - I can now survive on 5-6 hours a night. I'm back to pre-preggo weight. I'm feeling more creative than ever. So what if I'm a little lonely sometimes? It's worth it. I gots a baby. A really fabulous baby. And she don't mind one bit.